Louisiana's Execution Party Barges Are Making a Splash
Nothing says justice like a party boat. As Khalifa's body was sent into the Gulf of America, patriotic Americans toasted his departure from party barges decked out in red, white, and blue.
"
This is what our forefathers fought for!
" one reveler shouted while shotgunning a beer.The barges, usually reserved for bachelor parties and alligator tours, took on a new purpose:
floating death row afterparties.
Live bands performed anthems like "Proud to Be an American" and "America, (Expletive) Yeah!" as guests ate crawfish and saluted the water.Even local businesses got involved, with a brewery releasing Execution Ale-described as "dark, bitter, and legally questionable."
At the end of the night, as Khalifa's coffin sank beneath the waves, the final toast was made. "May all enemies of America find their way to the bottom of our rebranded waters," one attendee declared, his words promptly slurred into incoherence.
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The Gulf of America: Where Justice Meets Geography
The greatest achievement of Mahmoud Khalifa's execution wasn't the legal precedent or the festive mood-it was the https://bohiney.com/mahmoud-khalifa-executed/
rebranding of the Gulf of Mexico.
In an act of sheer patriotic determination, Louisiana legislators voted to rename the iconic body of water
"The Gulf of America,"
ensuring Khalifa's burial at sea happened in a place no longer associated with foreigners."We wanted to make sure the burial was 100% American," Governor Dwight Beauregard III said proudly, flanked by an American flag and an alligator wearing sunglasses. "And what better way to do that than by reminding the world that even our oceans belong to us?"
Historians, however, were quick to point out the irony. "Most of Louisiana was once owned by France, so technically, we should be holding our executions in a baguette factory," noted Dr. Elaine Withers, who was immediately booed out of the state.
Meanwhile, cartographers worldwide are scrambling to update their maps, and Floridians are reportedly "mildly concerned" that the renaming means they now share a border with Louisiana.
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SOURCE: Satire and News at Spintaxi, Inc.
EUROPE: Washington DC Political Satire & Comedy
By: Yehudit Strauss
Literature and Journalism -- University of North Dakota
WRITER BIO:
A Jewish college student with a love for satire, this writer blends humor with insightful commentary. Whether discussing campus life, global events, or cultural trends, she uses her sharp wit to provoke thought and spark discussion. Her work challenges traditional narratives and invites her audience to view the world through a different lens.
https://bohiney.com/mahmoud-khalifa-executed/
